I am doing it again.
Once again, my blogs are becoming much longer than I want them to be. So at the end, I realise how many words I needed to formulate my thoughts. Yes, I deliberately did not write “to formulate clearly”. That is subjective and everyone has to judge that for themselves. But until I have thought a thought through to the end, I need an astonishing number of words. And yes: it could be done differently. I could polish the texts, take out everything that is unnecessary, polish the sentences and sharpen the statements. And in the end, the result would be a glossy article. The kind that reads like water ice. And if I then add some really great pictures… I’d have a glossy blog. And would spend hours, if not days, writing the articles. And would probably write a lot less thoughts than I do at the moment, with a lot more words. And at some point I might stop the blog altogether, because it has developed in a way I didn’t want it to. No, it’s probably quite good if I write down my thoughts here as they come to me. If I think here in writing, so to speak. Without judgement, without frills. Authentic.
And yes, unfortunately this includes an observation (or should I write: insight?) that is only true for me personally:
For me, becoming aware of one’s inner world, one’s emotions and thoughts means dealing with them. A thought is different from a beautiful flower in the meadow that you can see and enjoy. Certainly, thoughts often appear like flowers in the meadow and are simply there. But rarely do thoughts come in their final version, rarely do they come alone. Most of the time I have to “finish thinking” a thought first, have to allow the thoughts that accompany it before I have peeled out its core for myself. Before I know for myself what the part of the thought that is important to me and true for me is. And this peeling out, this thinking, takes time. It takes time and it takes words and images. Words and images in which I let the thoughts dance with each other, let them wrestle with each other, let them choose the core thought, let them celebrate this core thought. And while I can simply write down words, I have to rewrite images – if I want to transport them through words. And with that, thinking needs not only time, words and images, but also space. Here in the blog. That’s the way it is, I don’t want to change it and I’m content to admit it: